


As You Wish

by FeelsandFandoms



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Everyone is a nerd, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Gwaine Fest, M/M, Muggle Quidditch, Nerdiness, Pining, Romance, Temporarily Unrequited Love, The Princess Bride References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-07
Updated: 2014-03-07
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:51:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1277068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeelsandFandoms/pseuds/FeelsandFandoms
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gwaine likes his drink and playing Quidditch with his mates. He also likes Merlin. It’s the last year of university and after being in love with Merlin for two years, Gwaine is trying to find the courage to share his feelings. The only problem is, Merlin is in love with Arthur and frequently tells Gwaine all about it. After making a couple of changes in his life, Gwaine tries to take his relationship with Merlin to the next level though it proves to be harder than he thought it would be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As You Wish

**Author's Note:**

> This was such an amazing fest to take part in. This is the first Bang that I've participated in and I'm addicted to them now. 
> 
> I want to give a shout and a big thank you to the awesome and talented [almostackles](http://almostackles.tumblr.com/) for her artwork. Please give her and her work some love. (Link to artwork coming soon!)
> 
> I want to thank my best friends for helping me get through this, to Nelson for helping me so much along the way and getting me through the tough plot points and to Storm for betaing and catching all of my mistakes. I also want to thank the other participates in this fest for their support and helping me come up with the Christmas gifts. 
> 
> I had so much fun writing this from all the Quidditch playing to The Princess Bride references. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do.
> 
> Disclaimer: I own none of this. Merlin belongs to the BBC and other respective entities. This was written out of love for the show and characters.

There was a loud series of knocks at the front door that jerked Gwaine out of his sleep. He groaned as he sat up and rubbed his temples, wishing death upon whoever just woke him. He glanced at his clock as he got out of bed. It wasn’t even eight o’clock yet. Gwaine stumbled his way to the front door and pulled it open, ready to kill the person on the other side. But when he found Merlin on the other side, he lost his murderous temper. 

“What are you doing here? It’s 7:30 in the morning,” he greeted with a yawn.

Merlin looked at Gwaine from his bed head down to his clothes he was still in from the night before, “I came to make sure you were awake for breakfast. It looks like it’s a good thing I came over.”

Gwaine vaguely remembered something about the gang getting breakfast together. “You could have texted or called instead of coming over,” he said, though he was happy to see Merlin. 

Merlin smiled, “I tried texting and calling you but you didn’t answer. I figured you were still asleep so I thought it would be best if I came over to make sure you were awake.”

Despite how terrible Gwaine felt from his hangover, he couldn’t help but smile along with Merlin. His smile was infectious. “Well you succeeded. Shall we go now?”

“Gwaine, you’re still in your clothes from the pub last night. I think it might be best if you change before we leave.”

“I don’t see what’s wrong with that, but if you insist, I’ll change. Want to come inside and wait?”

Merlin entered and made himself comfortable on the couch as Gwaine proceeded to get ready with a quick shower and found whatever clean clothes were on his bedroom floor. Although Gwaine was quite the drinker, he had not woken up with a hangover this bad in a long time. It felt like freshman year all over again. He tried to recall the previous night’s events, but all he remembered was that there was a lot of drinking involved between all of them. He didn’t even remember how he got home but was sure Merlin had something to do with it. It certainly wasn’t the first time Merlin helped him home after a night at the pub. 

“Remind me again why we are having breakfast so early today?” Gwaine asked as he returned to the living room. 

“Well, breakfast is typically eaten in the morning, so that’s why I planned it that way,” Merlin answered with a cheeky smile.

“You know that’s not what I meant.”

Merlin laughed, “It’s the first day of our last year at uni. I thought it would be a good for all of us to start the day off together. And if we hurry, we might not be that last ones there.” Merlin stood up and followed Gwaine out the door.

 

They were the last ones to arrive. 

“It’s nice of you two to finally grace us with your presence,” Arthur greeted as Merlin and Gwaine sat down in the last two empty seats. 

“It was my fault,” said Gwaine. 

“Oh I figured you’d be late,” the blond replied. “What’s your excuse, Merlin?” he asked, turning his gaze to him.

“I had to get Gwaine,” Merlin replied like the answer was obvious. 

Merlin and Arthur were soon in conversation with one another so Gwaine turned his attention to his other friends that were seated around the table. He was glad to see he wasn’t the only one hung-over from the night before. At his right was Lance who, like Merlin, looked completely awake and not at all fazed by the night before. He wasn’t sure if Lance even drank anything at all which didn’t surprise him. Next to Lance was Elyan, who was massaging his temples, and Percy who had his head resting on his folded arms on the table, and Leon, who was quiet and just staring straight ahead of him. Morgause seemed fine while Morgana still had her sunglasses on, a cup of coffee in her hands. 

Gwaine’s gaze soon landed on an empty chair in-between Arthur and Morgana where Gwen normally sat. Gwaine moved on and turned his attention back to the man who was next to him. He watched Merlin smile at Arthur as they talked and saw the smile diminish with Gwen’s return as she received a kiss from Arthur. Merlin quickly recovered as the waitress arrived and no one but Gwaine noticed. Gwaine knew exactly what Merlin was going through in that moment because he was feeling the same way for Merlin. 

After the food arrived and everyone began to fully wake up, they began reminiscing about their time together at university. The first story was how Arthur and Merlin met freshman year, it was a classic. Based on their first meeting, it’s a wonder how close and inseparable the two became. Everyone else had a story to share, such as the winning championship game from last season. Throughout Gwen’s story, Gwaine tried to steal food off of Merlin’s plate but was unsuccessful after Merlin moved his plate out of his reach. He was about to protest but was stopped when Percy chose Gwaine to be the next person to share a story. Gwaine thought for a moment and decided to share the story of how he first met Merlin and Arthur in a pub fight. 

“I didn’t even start the fight! That was a first for me,” Gwaine laughed. 

“Oh yeah, put all the blame on me,” said Arthur, rolling his eyes. 

“I was stabbed in the leg helping you two!” Gwaine said pointing his finger at Arthur.

“And we took you to the hospital!” Arthur interjected.

“Despite the injury, that fight sealed our friendship,” Merlin added with a smile.

And Merlin was right. If it had not been for that fight, Gwaine probably would never have met Merlin and Arthur. Well, he was more grateful for meeting Merlin than Arthur. It’s not that Gwaine did not like Arthur, because he did once he got to know the blond, but Merlin was the first person he really felt connected to and became his first true friend of his adult life. While befriending Merlin and Arthur quickly brought Gwaine into their circle of friends, the big eared brunet was unlike anyone Gwaine had ever met and Gwaine was in love with him. But this was something he never could bring himself to share because he knew Merlin loved Arthur. 

Gwaine was pulled from his thoughts as Arthur rose from the table to get everyone’s attention. “Today is the beginning of the end for us here at Camelot. Once we graduate, we’ll go on our separate paths as we pursue our careers or further education. Despite this, I am positive that we’ll remain friends after graduation. If for some reason this does not happen, let’s make the most of this last year together and make it the best!”

Everyone cheered at Arthur’s little speech, not caring about the disapproving looks they received from the tables around them. Gwaine tried not to think of the possibility of their circle breaking up after graduation. No one wanted that, but realistically it could be difficult once everyone started their lives. He knew Merlin was continuing his education in physics just as he would hopefully find a position in physical education so it would be interesting to see how their friendship continues. 

The waitress arrived shortly with the bills and everyone started getting ready to leave. 

“Before you leave, don’t forget practice starts next Sunday at the usual location, but get there an hour early. We have some potential players coming and I want to go over some things with all of you before they show up,” Arthur announced.

*****

Because of his busy schedule, the first week of classes passed by in a blur for Gwaine. He was glad when Sunday finally rolled around for practice. He was ready to get back into playing with his friends. As a surprise to most people, Gwaine was a member of Camelot’s Quidditch team. Yes, the sport from Harry Potter. Yes, he was serious about playing it. They rode on brooms. And no, they were all aware that they cannot actually fly. Many people assume he’s joking with them when he told them what he plays or sees him in his team shirt. Admittedly, Gwaine thought it was all a joke too when Merlin first told him he started a Quidditch team on campus and asked him to join. After showing up to his first practice the previous year, he never regretted joining. The rest of their friends were on the team as well. They were all a Potterhead, to some degree.

Gwaine left his flat for practice with his broom over his shoulder. He received some stares and a few comments as he walked across campus but laughed it off. He was used to it and was a good sport about the jokes. As Gwaine drew closer to their practice field he saw Arthur, Gwen, Lance, and Merlin already there setting up. The first three were working on putting up the six hoops while Merlin was marking off the perimeter of the field with cones.

“Need any help?” Gwaine called out.

“You can help me finish the field,” Merlin replied.

More of the team slowly arrived as the five of them finished setting up. Besides the usual people Gwaine hung out with, there were other members of the team that formed a second circle of friends. There was Will, Freya, Mithian, and Elena who mostly spent time with Merlin. Then there was a younger guy who named Mordred who befriended Morgana and Morgause.

Once everyone had arrived, Arthur switched into captain mode. “Welcome back everyone. I’m glad to see everyone was relatively on time today. I think that’s a first.” A few people made some comments back to Arthur who quietened them down. “Okay, okay. Now, down to business. As I mentioned last week, we’ve got some new members interested in joining the team so today’s practice will be spent introducing them to the sport. Please welcome them in and be nice. I don’t want you scaring them off. This also means there is to be no hitting on them, Gwaine.”

“Why do you have to call me out like that?” he asked, trying to look innocent.

Arthur ignored his question and continued, “Once they all arrive, I will go over all the basics about the game and positions. Then we’ll do some stretching, break up into groups by positions, and divide the new members up to learn the positions. We’ll rotate after thirty minutes so that they can try out each position. Once we’ve gone through that, we’ll play a short game for them to get a feel for what a game is like and see if they have what it takes to play. Now it will be up to you guys to teach your positions. I’ve got some printouts of the rulebook to refresh your memory. I don’t want the new members to start off learning anything wrong or illegal. So let’s take this time for you to get together and plan how you’re going to teach your positions. Any questions?”

“Do you want me with the beaters today?” Gwaine asked.

“Yes, that would be best for teaching to have four of you,” replied Arthur.

And with that, everyone separated by their positions. The chasers were made up of Arthur, Gwen, Lance, Elyan, Freya, and Elena. They made a solid team together. The beaters were Morgana and Morgause, the best pair of beaters out there, and Will. Leon and Percy made two very intimidating keepers while Merlin and Mordred finished off the team as the seekers with Mithian as the snitch. Gwaine was the only one on their team who played two positions, beater and chaser. It wasn’t uncommon for players in the sport to play multiple positions and he liked both.

Gwaine made his way to the other three beaters. “Hello ladies, and Will,” he greeted as he sat down on the ground next to Morgana. “Any ideas for how we should teach the new members?”

“I’ve already got it all planned out,” Morgana answered and went on to explain her plan while the other three listened.

The perspective members slowly began to show up at a quarter ‘til the start of practice. Everyone started introducing themselves and chatted as they waited for practice to officially start. The potential members ranged from shy nerds to the athletic. Gwaine was excited to see over twenty people there. Even if they all didn’t join, there would still be a good amount of new members. Arthur checked the time and quickly got everyone’s attention so he could get things started.

Once Arthur finished his introduction speech, Gwaine led the stretches and they were all divided into groups. Morgana took charge of their group which gave Gwaine the chance to look over at Merlin from time to time as he taught the seeker position. At one point, Merlin glanced over and caught Gwaine staring. He smiled at, but before Gwaine could do anything, Morgana ended the interaction when she noticed Gwaine’s attention was not on their sectional. “Come on, Gwaine, pay attention!”

“Yes, Your Highness,” he replied, turning away from Merlin.

After the new people worked their way through all four of the sectionals and took a short break, it was time to finally start playing. Gwaine was looking forward to this part of practice the most. Because of the large turn out, they were able to divide up into four teams and save time by playing two different matches. The teams were a mixture of veteran and new players to make the skill level as even as possible.  
  
After the matches finished, Arthur brought everyone together for one last talk before ending practice. “I would like to thank all of the new, perspective members for coming out today and giving Quidditch a try. I’ve got a schedule for all of the main practices and when the sectional practices and workouts are during the week. Tryouts will be two weeks from now, and if you want a spot on the team, you have to show up for this. This goes for new and old members. I hope you all had a great day and come back next time. You’re all dismissed.”  
  


*****

  
A couple weeks had passed and Gwaine finally got into a routine between his classes, practices, and workouts. His routine also included parties and drinking. He always received invites to the best parties around campus or to go out to the pub. It was Friday night and Gwaine was ready to let loose. He received a text earlier that day from an acquaintance inviting him out for drinks.

Before leaving, Gwaine took one last look in the mirror to make sure his hair was perfect. There was always the chance he might meet someone for the night. As he opened the door to leave he came face to face with Merlin, who had his hand raised to knock on the door. “Oh hey Merlin, did I forget about another planned group outing or something?”

Merlin lowered his hand and looked embarrassed, “No, I actually came over to see if you were available tonight, but I can see you are about to leave. I should have called or texted first before just showing up. I’ll just be going then.”

As Merlin turned to leave, Gwaine grabbed his arm to stop him and noticed he had his backpack with him. “What’s wrong, Merlin?”

Merlin sighed as he turned back to face Gwaine. “Gwen is spending the night over at the flat again so I was hoping I could crash here for the night like before. But I don’t want to mess up your plans for the evening, so I’ll just try Morgana.”

“No, you’re staying here tonight. Get in.”

Merlin gave Gwaine a grateful smile as he entered the flat. “Thanks, I really appreciate it. You can still go out if you want,” he said as he dropped his backpack next to the couch. “I don’t mind staying here alone.”

“Stop babbling, Merlin. I’m not leaving you here alone and don’t argue about it. I was only going out to for a drink so I didn’t have to spend the night alone. But now you’re here and I’d love to spend the evening with you.” The last sentence came out before Gwaine realized what he said. He hoped Merlin wouldn’t think he sounded too eager. “So what movie did you bring?” he added to distract Merlin away from his last statement.

Merlin laughed, “Why do you think I brought a movie?”

“You always bring a movie whenever you spend the night, so I figured you would have one. I enjoy our movie nights.”

“Well, I’m going to disappoint you a little because I didn’t bring a movie tonight.”

Gwaine gasped, “I’m truly shocked Merlin. What is the meaning of this?”

“I did have a movie in mind, but I somehow lost my copy so I couldn’t bring it. But you own it.”

Gwaine knew exactly what movie Merlin was referring to. “The Princess Bride?”

“I thought it would be a good choice to start the semester off with.”

“It’s an excellent choice. You put the DVD in and I’ll grab some snacks.”

As he walked to the kitchen, Merlin called, “Bring some popcorn.”

“As you wish,” Gwaine replied.

“Very funny.”

“If only you knew,” Gwaine thought.

He returned a few minutes later with popcorn, water, and bottle of beer. Merlin was ready on the couch with the remote in his hand. Gwaine was conscious not to sit too close to him.

“Thanks for the water,” Merlin said as he took a sip. “I’m so glad you love this movie too so that I have someone to watch it with. Arthur doesn’t really care for it that much.”

“I always knew there was something I didn’t like about him. I don’t understand how you could like someone who does not like this movie.” Gwaine opened his beer and took a drink.

Merlin shrugged, “I admit it’s on his con list for me. But it’s not a deal breaker so it’s okay.”

“No, but I would say that him being in a relationship and _straight_ would be a deal breaker.”

“Thanks for pointing that out,” Merlin snapped, “It’s not like I’m not reminded of these facts every day.”

Gwaine wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from Merlin. “I’m just being honest.”

“Enough talking, let’s start this movie!” Merlin pushed play and the movie finally started.

It grew silent between them and Gwaine didn’t like the tension that was present.

“I’m sorry if I upset you with my earlier comment.”

Merlin sighed, “You don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have snapped at you. I’m just not in a good mood. Before I came over tonight, Gwen said I was welcome to join her and Arthur for a movie night they were having. But I knew there was no way I could sit there in the same room with them as they cuddled on the couch. I made the mistake of doing that once and they ended up snogging like teenagers. I had to make up an excuse to tell her about why I couldn’t stay and would be out all night. I just hate how I have to keep lying and hiding my feelings because, like you said, he’s taken and straight… Maybe I should move on.”

This would have been a perfect time for Gwaine to agree with Merlin and confess his feelings for him. But Gwaine could not bring himself to utter those words because he knew it wouldn’t really change anything and probably just end up making it awkward between them. “Just keep your options open. You never know what can happen,” he was able to say.

“Yeah, maybe my Wesley is out there somewhere for me,” Merlin said, sounding a little hopeful.

“I’m sure he is.” Gwaine was mentally kicking himself for being such a coward. He never understood how he could flirt with any woman or man whenever he wanted but he couldn’t say a single thing to the one he loved. Suddenly, Gwaine was struck with an idea, “So what exactly is your ideal man? And you can’t say ‘Arthur’.”

Merlin looked over at Gwaine confused. “So list what qualities I look for in a guy? Why?”

“If you’re serious about moving on from Arthur then you need to know what you’re looking for. Just humor me.”

“Fine,” Merlin said as he paused the movie. “I guess for starters he has to be on a similar level of intelligence as me.”

“That rules Arthur out then,” Gwaine interrupted.

“Gwaine, I’m not going to continue if you make any more jokes about him.”

“I couldn’t resist,” he said throwing his hands up in the air, “but I promise I will stop.”

“As I was saying, I need a guy who I can have intelligent conversations with. We don’t have to discuss physics but if they don’t know what that is we’re going to have a problem.”

“Okay, so far you want a smart guy. What else?”

“He has to be funny and make me laugh.”

“That’s what everyone says. Next.”

“You’re so demanding about this. Okay, I need a guy I can relate to in regards to geekiness. They don’t have to be a total nerd like myself, but enough to be able to enjoy things together.”

“So someone like me?” Gwaine asked to test the waters.

“Yes, exactly like you. You’re not the nerdiest person in the world, but you like Harry Potter and other fandoms. You also show respect towards the things I love and don’t mock me for it, which is really important.”

This is just what he wanted to know. Gwaine tried not to smile too much. “Anything else?”

“There are a couple of things that I can think of. The first is that I want to be with someone who can challenge me to be a better person. The second is, and I don’t mean to offend you with this but, I need someone who doesn’t go out to party or get pissed every weekend. Since I’m not interested in spending my time that way it would be hard to be with someone who does.”

Gwaine was happy with what he heard until Merlin’s last quality. That’s something Gwaine did not match. He was pulled out of his thoughts when Merlin asked him if he answered his question. 

“For the most part, yes,” he said with a nod. 

“Good, now can we stop talking and just watch the movie?”

***

For the rest of the evening, Gwaine ignored his thoughts and feelings for Merlin so he could just enjoy the evening for what it was. They quoted the movie together and even had a mini sword fight which ended with Gwaine falling off the back of the couch. They had a good laugh about it but Gwaine knew his arm and back would be sore in the morning.

As the credits rolled Merlin asked, “Do you believe in true love and all that?”

Gwaine shrugged his shoulders, “Maybe it happens for some people.”

“I take it you don’t believe in it for yourself?” 

Gwaine wished they were not having this conversation but answered, “It’s a nice idea, but I don’t know if it will happen for me.”

“To be honest with you, since you were with me earlier, I would like to see you in an actual relationship. As long as we’ve been friends, I’ve only known of you to have one night stands or something that lasts no longer than a month. You’re a great guy so I don’t understand why you’re single.”

Gwaine stared at Merlin not knowing what to say.

“Wow, did I just render you speechless? That’s a first!”

Gwaine laughed, “I just don’t know what to say about that but thanks. It’s nice to know you care that way about me.”

“You’re my friend; of course I care about you.”

Nothing else was said for a moment and it was a comfortable silence between them. But before Gwaine could do anything stupid he might regret later he said, “What shall we do for the rest of the night?”

He received his answer through a yawn. “While I’d love to stay up longer, I think it’s best if I go to bed now. It’s nearly midnight and I’ve got some things to do in the lab in the morning, so I’ll need my sleep.”

“Not a problem. I don’t want you to fall asleep in the lab or something. Where do you want to sleep?”

“The couch is fine,” Merlin replied as he stretched his arms above his head.

“I’ll grab you a pillow and blanket then,” Gwaine jumped up off the couch and left the room.

When Gwaine returned a few minutes later, he was caught off guard by the sight of a shirtless Merlin. He was in the middle of changing into his pajamas and had just pulled of his shirt. This wasn’t the first time Gwaine had seen Merlin shirtless, for he had seen him shirtless, but those were on a few select occasions at practice and they had never occurred in his flat when they were alone. And apparently, Gwaine was full on staring at Merlin because Merlin certainly noticed and muttered something about being sorry and how he should have changed in the bathroom. 

“You’re fine, Merlin. No need to apologize.” He quickly laid the blanket and pillow on the couch. “Well, goodnight then.”

“Goodnight,” Merlin said as he looked oddly at Gwaine as he left. 

And with that, Gwaine retreated to his bedroom. As he lay in bed, he kept replaying their conversations over in his mind and wondered what would have happened if he had told Merlin his feelings tonight. There was always the hope that Merlin would accept his feelings and reciprocate them. But Gwaine knew that was an unlikely possibility and was nearly one hundred percent sure Merlin did not feel the same way for him. The worst case scenario was Merlin would decide to end their friendship if he knew of his feelings. He knew that would be extreme for Merlin to do but losing Merlin as a friend was the last thing Gwaine wanted. He wasn’t ready to take the chance and end up ruining the best friendship he had. Besides, Gwaine knew better than anyone that Merlin loved Arthur and he didn’t see Gwaine in that way. But then Gwaine had an idea: What if could try and change that?

Gwaine awoke the next morning around ten, which was early for him on a Saturday, and was indeed sore from the sword fight the night before. He walked into the living room rubbing his back and wasn’t surprised that Merlin was already gone. The blanket was neatly folded at one end of the couch with the pillow sitting on top. He proceeded to the kitchen to brew some coffee. 

As he sat on the couch and sipped his coffee, he continued his thoughts from the previous night. It’s not that he wanted to trick Merlin into falling for him or anything like that, but he did want to show Merlin there was someone else interested in him and show him he had options. This way, Merlin could make the decision for himself whether he wanted to move on or not. Before this could happen, Gwaine had to make some changes to his lifestyle. The first change was cutting out the partying. While Merlin may have wanted a partner to challenge him to be better, he was unknowingly helping Gwaine become a better person. 

“It couldn’t be that hard,” Gwaine thought.

*****

Gwaine found it a little difficult at first to say “no” to the partying. He had to keep reminding himself why he was doing this and that helped. After the first few weeks of him refusing invitations to parties, people soon stopped asking him. This was fine with Gwaine; it made it easier from him to adjust. The changes had more positive outcomes, like more time for his coursework and spending more time with the people he actually cared about. But this isn’t to say that Gwaine stopped drinking altogether. That was never going to happen.

One Saturday night he got a surprise invitation for drinks from Merlin. 

“Want to meet me for drinks at The Round Table?”

“Sure. What time?”

“30 mins?”

“See you then.”

He was over joyed with the idea and tried not to overanalyze it. Gwaine realized he needed to change before meeting up with Merlin. He quickly decided on something that was nice but still casual, like he wasn’t expecting too much from tonight.

Gwaine arrived at the pub a few minutes after the agreed upon a time. He entered to see Merlin already there, sitting alone at a table. His chin was resting in the palm of his hand as he traced a finger around the rim of the more than half empty pint glass in front of him. Gwaine instantly knew this night would not be what he hoped for. He approached the table without Merlin noticing and slid into the seat in front of him. 

“Oh hi, Gwaine,” Merlin greeted when he realized Gwaine had joined him. He straightened up in his chair, “thanks for coming on such short notice.”

“It’s no problem,” Gwaine replied with a smile, “but what’s got you down tonight?”

Before Merlin could answer, a waitress appeared and asked Gwaine if he wanted anything. “I’ll have what he’s having, and keep them coming,” he replied. 

“Does something have to be wrong for me to ask you out for drinks?” Merlin asked as the waitress walked away.

“No, but I know for a fact that you’re not one for casual drinking and you look troubled. Let’s talk about it.”

Merlin shrugged as he drank the last of his beer, “How about we’ll talk about it later at some point.”

The waitress returned and placed two glasses on the table before picking up Merlin’s empty one. 

“Thanks, love,” Gwaine said to her before she walked away. He picked up a glass and drank from it before asking, “Is it about Arthur?”

Merlin sighed, “Of course it is. It’s always about him, but I don’t want to talk about him right now. It’s all we seem to talk about lately. So I need a distraction from him, for one night at least.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Gwaine muttered to himself as he took another swig.

As Gwaine had asked, their waitress kept the drinks coming one after the other.

A few rounds later Merlin asked, “Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.” Gwaine was unsure of how this would go.

“Why do you like drinking so much?”

That was definitely not what Gwaine was expecting. “Are you trying to say I’m an alcoholic?”

“No, nothing like that. I’m just curious.”

Gwaine thought for a second before answering. He could either pass all the drinking off as pure enjoyment or the truth. “I’m not going to lie, I like to drink. But I will admit that drinking can help to forget your issues.”

Merlin eyed Gwaine, “What kind of issues are you dealing with?”

“I thought this outing was about your issues and we weren’t going to talk about them tonight?” Gwaine knew this was not the right time to reveal his love. 

“Okay, you don’t have to share tonight, but I would like to know why sometime. You always put up with my crap, so I don’t remind returning the favor.”

“Thanks, I’ll keep that in mind.”

As the night went on and the more Merlin drank, the more he began to talk about Arthur. “My life is such a cliché. I’m gay and in love with my straight best friend!”

“And with that, I think it’s time to leave.” Gwaine knew this was not a conversation they should have in a public place where any one of their friends could enter the pub at any moment and hear Merlin. 

“But I can’t go home. Not while he’s there,” whined Merlin.

“When I said time to leave, I didn’t say you had to go home. I meant that we should continue this conversation somewhere a little more private, like my flat.” 

Gwaine pulled out his wallet and left the enough money to cover the drinks and a nice tip. “Let’s get a cab.” 

Gwaine had to help Merlin walk out of the pub. He couldn’t remember if he’d ever seen Merlin drink as much as he did tonight. He hoped Merlin wouldn’t be too mad at him the next day for letting him drink so much. 

After a short ride and a difficult time up the stairs, the two finally made it into the flat. Merlin was rambling on the whole time about various topics. Most of it didn’t make a lot of sense but Gwaine let him carry on. Once inside, Gwaine half carried Merlin over to the couch and helped him sit down. As he lowered him down, Merlin used too much force and ended up pulling Gwaine down on top of him. This resulted in Merlin laughing uncontrollably as Gwaine rolled off of him. He couldn’t help but laugh along.

Their laughter soon died down and they sat in silence. But the lighthearted moment was gone when Merlin spoke. “I’m going to be alone forever.”

Gwaine looked at Merlin, “That’s ridiculous. Why would you think that?”

“Because it’s true!” Merlin answered as he threw his hands in the air. 

“But you’ll always have me.”

“That’s not what I mean. I’m tired of being single. I want to move on and date but I can’t because of stupid, perfect arse Arthur Pendragon.”

Gwaine was waiting for Arthur to finally come up. “What do you mean?”

“I’m in love with him, Gwaine, and I can’t move past my feelings even as I know he now has a ring and is planning to marry Gwen.”

Now Gwaine knew why Merlin wanted to drink tonight. 

While Gwaine was not as drunk as Merlin and was in a little more control of his actions, he still wasn’t thinking completely straight. If he was, he wouldn’t had wrapped his arm around Merlin and pulled him closer. There was a tiny voice in the back of his mind telling him to stop, but Gwaine wanted to help Merlin feel better. He felt Merlin lean into him and lay his head on his shoulder, which he took as a good sign to continue. “It’s going to all be okay, Merlin. I know you’ll find someone who really cares and loves you,” Gwaine said as he rubbed his arm against Merlin’s shoulder and down his arm. 

“You think so?” Merlin mumbled as he sniffled, leaning into Gwaine.

“I know so.” 

Gwaine felt so comfortable sitting like this with Merlin next to him. This was how he imagined them cuddling on the couch while watching a movie, minus the tears. The thought of him confessing his feelings to Merlin crossed his mind. But not even in his current drunken state would he admit them now. He was soon pulled from his thoughts as he felt Merlin stir. He glanced down to see Merlin looking up at him. He wasn’t able to read his expression so he asked, “What?”

“You’re too good to me, Gwaine. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“You would be miserable and your life would definitely being boring without me,” he replied with a laugh, hoping a little humor would help.

Merlin laughed, “Probably.” 

As the laughter died down, they continued to stare at one another. What came next was something out of one of Gwaine’s fantasies: Merlin leaned up and kissed him. Gwaine tensed up as he felt Merlin’s lips on his but quickly returned it. Granted, he did not imagine their first kiss to happen like this but he wasn’t going to reject it. 

Just as Gwaine was getting used to kissing Merlin, Merlin pulled away. Gwaine opened his eyes to look at him a little confused. “Is everything okay?” he asked. 

“Yes, yes it is,” Merlin replied as he leaned back in. He was more forceful this time and the kiss was a little sloppy. Without breaking the kiss, they resituated themselves to a more comfortable position which helped smooth out the kissing. Merlin wrapped one arm around Gwaine’s neck as he ran his other hand up through his hair while Gwaine slipped his hands down to grab onto Merlin’s waist. 

They continued kissing in this position until Merlin decided he needed to be closer to Gwaine. He broke away again so that he could climb into Gwaine’s lap.

“Someone’s eager,” Gwaine said before Merlin’s lips crashed onto his again. He never thought of Merlin being this eager but he was not complaining. This was finally happening for Gwaine. But when he felt his jeans tightening and Merlin pulling at his shirt, Gwaine wasn’t sure how far he wanted this all to go tonight. If this had been someone he picked up at a bar, he more than likely would have let this continue on to the bedroom. But this was Merlin and he meant more to Gwaine than anyone else ever had so this unfortunately needed to end now before things went too far. He slowly pulled away and placed his hands on Merlin’s chest to stop him. Merlin slowly opened his eyes and stared at Gwaine.

“What’s wrong? I thought you were enjoying this?” 

“Oh I’m quite enjoying this, but I think we shouldn’t go further than this tonight.”

“Are you sure?” 

“Surprisingly, yes, I am. I just don’t want things to move too fast between us, that’s all.”

Merlin thought about his words. “Maybe you’re right,” he finally said. 

“We should probably get some sleep. It’s pretty late.” Merlin nodded in agreement. “You take my bed tonight.”

“No I can’t, it’s your bed.”

“I’m not arguing with you about this. Just please, don’t throw up in my bed.” Gwaine wrapped his arms around Merlin’s waist and stood up, picking Merlin completely up in his arms. He was surprised that Merlin didn’t object to being carried. Maybe it was just the alcohol. He entered his bedroom and gently laid Merlin on his bed. Merlin shifted a little to get comfortable as Gwaine pulled the blanket over him. It didn’t take long for Merlin to fall asleep. Before leaving the room, Gwaine grabbed a pillow and extra blanket from the closet.

“Goodnight,” Gwaine whispered as he left his room, closing the door behind him. He returned to the living room and settled himself on the couch before drifting off into sleep as well.

***

Gwaine awoke the next morning and was a little confused as to why he was lying on the couch and not his bed. As he sat up and stretched out his sore back, the events from the previous night with Merlin came rushing to him. He still couldn’t believe that he finally got to kiss Merlin. It was completely unexpected but very welcomed.

He stood up and quietly walked to his bedroom and found that Merlin was still asleep in his bed. Instead of waking him up, Gwaine grabbed some clean clothes and decided to take a quick shower to help wake himself up. Merlin was still asleep after he got out of the shower, so Gwaine made his way to the kitchen to make some breakfast for the two of them. He looked around in his fridge and cabinets and was surprised to find enough for pancakes and eggs. He turned on the coffee machine and tried to be as quiet as he could as he began to cook. Gwaine felt great as he flipped the pancakes. Today would be a new day for him and Merlin. Gwaine had other ideas for how they would get together but this was better than nothing.

As he started the eggs, he heard Merlin make his way down the hallway. “I hope you’re hungry. I’ve made breakfast for us,” Gwaine greeted as Merlin sat at the kitchen table. He glanced up from the frying pan to look at Merlin. He loved the sight of Merlin just after waking up with his bedhead. “You okay?” he asked when Merlin hadn’t replied. 

“How are you so cheery this morning? My head is killing me,” Merlin replied, rubbing his temples. 

Gwaine chuckled, “That’s what happens when you drink a lot.”

“I’m quite aware of how a hangover works.” Merlin slumped into a chair at the table.

“Here, have some coffee,” Gwaine said as he poured some into a mug and handed it to Merlin. 

“Thank you.”

“Did you sleep well?” Gwaine asked as he returned to the eggs.

“I guess so, but I still feel like shit. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed.”

“No problem.”

Gwaine grabbed two plates from the cabinet and began filling them up with food. He pulled out some silverware and carried it over to the table. He went back for the butter and syrup. As he finally sat down to eat, Gwaine was anxious to say something about their little snog session from the previous night. He was surprised Merlin hadn’t already said something by now.

“What happened last night after we left the pub?” Merlin asked poking at his food.

“What do you mean what happened after we left the pub? Don’t you remember?” Gwaine hoped Merlin was just messing around with him and would own up to the kiss soon. Unless…

“I can’t recall anything that happened after we left the Round Table. I think I drank way too much last night. What happened?” he asked as he looked up at Gwaine.

Gwaine’s heart sank. He hadn’t even considered Merlin being too drunk to remember what happened. “Not much happened once we got back here. We talked a little about Arthur and how he was planning to propose to Gwen soon. After that, I helped you to my bed so you could sleep,” replied Gwaine. Technically he didn’t lie about what happened, he only left out some details. 

After that, they continued eating their breakfast in silence. Gwaine didn’t feel like eating anymore but he knew he couldn’t flee to his bedroom while Merlin was still there. Gwaine wasn’t sure if he would tell Merlin what happened the night before. Even though Merlin was so eager then, Gwaine didn’t know how he should react to it in his sober state. Merlin might have just been in the mood from all the alcohol and wasn’t thinking clearly. Gwaine didn’t like this explanation but seeing how that now seemed like the logical reason behind his actions, Merlin might not like knowing what he did. It would probably embarrass him.

When Merlin finished his food Gwaine snatched up both of their plates, even though his plate was still half full, and tried not to run into the kitchen. 

“Need any help cleaning up?” Merlin asked, rising from the table.

“Nope, I’ve got it. Thanks.”

“All right then. I better check my phone and see if I have any messages.”

Gwaine listened to him walk into the living room. He was glad to be away from Merlin for a moment to recompose. The good mood he had woken up in was completely gone.

“Looks like Arthur was worried about me last night. He sent me a half a dozen texts after midnight making sure I was okay but if came home last night make sure I was quiet. What a prat. He can’t even express any concern for me without adding some kind of back handed comment,” Merlin said from the living room. 

“That’s Arthur for ya,” Gwaine said as he joined Merlin. 

“I probably should get going,” Merlin said as he looked up from his phone. “Got lots to do today. But thanks for joining me last night. I had a good time from what I can remember at the pub.”  
Merlin located his shoes and slipped them on as he prepared to leave. 

“I’m always here when you need me,” Gwaine replied. 

“I’ll see you later then. Bye.” And Merlin was gone. 

Gwaine sank down on the couch and put his head in his hands. He didn’t know what he had expected to happen this morning but Merlin not remembering anything wasn’t one of the options. Granted, this should have been a possibility with the amount of alcohol Merlin had consumed the previous night. Gwaine hoped it would mean something for them. It was Merlin who had kissed him first after all! That had to have meant something, even if he was drunk. Gwaine sighed. Maybe it was for the better that Merlin didn’t remember. Merlin didn’t want to be with anyone but Arthur. 

As Gwaine continued to wallow in his emotions, there was a knock at the door. He didn’t have a clue for who it could be. He forced himself off the couch, peeked through the door and saw Percy. “Oh shit,” he said before opening the door. 

“Hey, Gwaine,” Percy said with a smile.

“Percy, I totally forgot we made plans today until just now. I’m so sorry.”

“Well I’m glad to know that at least one of us cares about our friendship,” Percy joked. “Do you still want to hang out today? We can just stay here if you want.”

“Yeah of course, come in.” Gwaine held the door open to let Percy enter.

“So what happened last night for you to forget about our plans?” Percy asked. 

“Oh, I was just…out drinking last night and might have drunk a little too much.” 

“Hmm, you haven’t done that in a few weeks,” Percy said as he noticed the pillow and blanket on the couch. 

“It was all Merlin’s idea. He needed a night out and I was there for company,” Gwaine replied as he cleared off the couch for them to sit. 

“Merlin…out drinking? Is everything okay?” Percy asked as he sat down.

“No, everything is not okay,” Gwaine wanted to say but knew he couldn’t. “Everything’s fine,” he lied.

“Did something happen then? It seems unusual for him to suggest a drinking night.”

Gwaine sat down next to him. “No, nothing happened. He just needed to let off some steam.” he lied again. 

“So why did Merlin stay the night?”

Gwaine froze in his seat couch, “What?” 

“I just saw him leaving the building when I got here, so I was curious. Is everything okay with you?”

Gwaine looked over at Percy. Part of him wanted to vent out his frustrations but he couldn’t. No good would come from him sharing about the kissing that happened. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”

“Something just seems off about you. Did anything happen last night with Merlin?”

Gwaine couldn’t read Percy’s expression. Did he suspect something? Gwaine needed to end this line of questioning before he revealed anything. “What’s with the all questions? Let’s talk about something else. What we should do today?” He desperately wanted to change the subject. 

“Okay then, since we’re here, how about you get out the GameCube and I beat your ass at some Super Smash Bros. Melee.” 

“Oh, those are fighting words, Percy. You’re going to regret saying that when I win!” Gwaine jumped up off the couch and started setting up the GameCube. 

 

Gwaine didn’t realize spending the next few hours playing video games would help take his mind of the previous night. He was certainly still upset about what happened with Merlin, but he was glad Percy was there so he wasn’t alone. 

“And I win again!” shouted Gwaine. 

“Today’s just an off day for me. Otherwise you wouldn’t have won so much,” Percy defended. He pulled out his phone to check the time. “I should probably get going. I’ve got an exam on Monday I should probably start studying for.”

“Well thanks for coming over. I definitely needed this today.”

“You can always talk to me if you need to, Gwaine. I’m a great listener,” Percy said as he stood up.

Gwaine smiled, “Thanks, man. I’ll see you tomorrow at practice.”

***

Gwaine soon realized on his way to practice the next day that he was not ready to see Merlin yet. He couldn’t explain why he felt this way, but he felt stupid about it. And so he did something he wasn’t too proud of, he decided to avoid Merlin. He purposely arrived late to avoid talking to Merlin before practice. Arthur wasn’t too happy about his tardiness.

“Of all the weeks to show up late, Gwaine, you pick the week before a match? You’re running laps after practice,” Arthur said as he joined them for warm ups. 

For once, Gwaine didn’t challenge Arthur or have a comeback and just kept his mouth shut. He was not in the mood to start anything. Even though he could tell Merlin was looking over at him, Gwaine avoided looking back because it would make avoiding him harder. 

Since there was an upcoming match, Arthur worked the team hard with drills and kept the breaks short. Gwaine couldn’t have been more thankful. Playing kept him focused on something besides his thoughts about Merlin. Later on during a practice game when Merlin finally came into play by chasing the snitch, Gwaine switched out of the game to get off the field. 

His plan to avoid continued to work throughout practice until it ended. Everyone was exhausted as they collected their belongings and left. “Don’t forget your laps, Gwaine. It’ll be twenty around the field,” Arthur called out. 

“Yes, princess,” he replied, dropping his broom to the ground.

“You’ll need that. I want you to run while holding that above your head. I’ve got to make it more of a punishment for you. Now get to it. I don’t want to be here all evening.”

Gwaine groaned as picked the broom up and walked back toward the field. As he started his laps, the majority of the team was gone. The few who remained included Arthur, Gwen, Lance, Morgana, Percy, and of course, Merlin. They took care of tearing down the goal hoops and discussing strategies for the match as Gwaine ran. Gwaine hoped Merlin would leave before he finished his laps so he could get away without speaking to him. 

Morgana and Gwen were the first to take off but the other four remained when Gwaine was finished. Merlin walked over to Gwaine once he stopped. This was exactly what Gwaine was hoping to avoid. 

“Hey Gwaine, you up for a movie night tonight?” he asked. 

“Uh … I can’t,” Gwaine lied as he focused on collecting his things.

“Oh really? It’s just that Gwen was coming over again so I thought we would spend the evening together like usual,” Merlin continued.

“I said I can’t, Merlin!” Gwaine yelled as he looked at Merlin. 

Arthur, Lance, and Percy’s heads turned to look at them at Gwaine’s raised voice. Gwaine was surprised by how forceful his words were, but he couldn’t take it back now even though it pained him to see the expression of hurt and confusion on Merlin’s face.

“I’m sorry I asked,” Merlin finally said. 

Before anything worse could happen, Gwaine said, “I’ve got to go.” He threw is bag over his shoulder and left without looking back. Gwaine had no good reason as to why Merlin couldn’t come over tonight. He didn’t have anything going on, like a last minute essay to write or exam to study for; he just didn’t want to be alone with him.

After getting home and taking a shower, Gwaine received a text from Percy.

"You sure everything is ok with you?

"Yes. Why do you ask?"

"I’ve never heard you yell at Merlin before. What happened between you two Friday night?"

Gwaine cursed Percy and his perceptiveness. "Nothing happened." 

After sending his last text, Gwaine avoided his phone for the rest of the night. He felt like shit and decided to spend the evening drinking alone. 

After he started, it was harder for Gwaine to stop avoiding Merlin because he didn’t know how he would explain his reasoning for doing so. But it still weighed down on Gwaine. After the first full week of being ignored, Merlin gave up on trying to speak to Gwaine. Everyone else in the group was surprised by what was going on between them. 

After the Friday practice before the first match on Sunday, Arthur pulled Gwaine aside to talk to him. “What’s happened between you and Merlin? And don’t even bother replying with ‘nothing’ because I know that’s not true.”

“Why are you so concerned?”

“Why? Well for one, I don’t want any disharmony on the team before going into our first match of the season."

“That won’t be an issue, Arthur,” Gwaine interrupted, “But is that all you really care about?”

Arthur crossed his arms against his chest, “I have more to say if you wouldn’t interrupt me. If you had let me finish, I was going to say I’m also tired of seeing Merlin moping around the flat from something that you did.”

“Since when do you care?”

Arthur shifted in his spot. “He’s my friend. Why wouldn’t I care?” he said in a matter of fact tone. 

Gwaine didn’t know what to say to that comment, so he ignored it and replied, “There’s nothing to worry about for the match on Sunday. We’ll be fine.” Gwaine turned to walk away but was stopped by Arthur grabbing his arm. He turned back to the blond.

“Look, I’m really concerned about Merlin and you need to fix it.” Arthur released Gwaine and walked away. 

Gwaine watched him walk away and was stunned by his last words. It was uncommon for Arthur to make any statements like that about Merlin. He saw the truth in his words, though, but he still wasn’t ready.

 

It wasn’t until after their second match a couple of weeks later that Gwaine decided to finally stop avoiding Merlin. It hadn’t accomplished anything except disrupting their friendship and causing Merlin to think there was something seriously wrong between them. While Gwaine still didn’t think he would tell Merlin what happened, he didn’t want to lose Merlin over it. As the team entered The Round Table to celebrate their win, Gwaine took the seat next to Merlin, drawing the attention of the team, particularly Arthur and Percy. 

“So, are you done avoiding me now?” Merlin asked turning to Gwaine. 

Gwaine couldn’t think of anything to say besides “Yes.”

Merlin nodded his head. “So you admit that you’ve been avoiding me? What’s been up with you lately to cause this?”

“How about I apologize for my behavior, we don’t worry about it right now, and carry on?” 

Merlin thought about his question for a moment. Gwaine wasn’t sure how he would take his answer. “I’ll go along with that as long as you admit you’ve been acting like a clotpole and we’ll discuss it later.”

“Fair enough. I admit that I’ve been a clotpole and I am sorry. I’ll do whatever it takes to make it up to you.”

Merlin smiled. “Apology accepted. I will definitely come up with something for you to make up for it. Now,” Merlin turned back toward the rest of the table, most which had been watching their exchange, and said “let’s celebrate our second victory!”

His statement was met with cheering from everyone on the team. Gwaine was relieved to have Merlin back. He wasn’t sure what reason he could give Merlin for his actions, but he would worry about that later. Now was the time for celebration.

*****

Things soon began returning back to normal between Gwaine and Merlin. They continued their movie nights as Arthur and Gwen began spending more and more time alone together. Gwaine made sure alcohol was not involved with their activities to prevent anything from happening again. Merlin never mentioned Arthur’s intended proposal to Gwen again either.

As a surprise to many, good and bad, November was beginning to draw to a close. With Christmas about a month or so away, the gang decided to get together now to draw names for their Secret Santa gifts. The tradition started freshman year before Gwaine transferred to the university. It was a fun alternative to everyone having to buy so many gifts for everyone else on a university budget. 

It was a Thursday night when the gang all gathered at Arthur and Merlin’s flat. Everyone was squished together around the coffee table in the living room. Merlin was being the good host by making sure everyone had a drink if they wanted one. 

“Since everyone is here now, let’s get started!” Arthur announced. “Remember, the name of the game is secrecy so make sure you don’t reveal who you draw. And if you draw your own name, show it to us before drawing a new name.” He picked up the bowl from the coffee table. Inside was everyone’s name on a slip of folded up paper. “I’ll do the honors and go first.” Arthur reached in and pulled out a name. His expression was blank as he read the name. He stuffed the slip into his pocket and passed the bowl to Merlin.

The process continued around the circle. Gwaine was seated halfway in the middle of the circle so he at least had some names to pick from. Of course the name he desired was Merlin. The bowl finally came to him. He reached in and pulled out one. He unfolded the slip, was excited to see the letter ‘M’ but was quickly disappointed when the name was Morgana. He had no idea what to get the woman. He folded the slip back up and put it in his pocket. He passed the bowl off to Percy. Gwaine noticed he was happy with whoever he picked. The bowl continued around to Gwen, who was last to pick. No one revealed who they had, but some looked happier than others. Despite not drawing Merlin’s name, Gwaine was still going to get him a gift. He knew it was not part of the rules but he didn’t care. He just had to make sure it was something special and personal. Maybe that might catch Merlin’s attention.

*****

It was the week before Christmas and the time had come for the group to get together for their Christmas party. Per tradition, they were meeting at Arthur and Morgana’s family house to exchange their gifts. Although he’d been looking forward to this, Gwaine still had not wrapped Merlin’s gift. Gwaine normally used gift bags instead of wrapping, like he had done with Morgana’s gift, but he wanted Merlin’s to be special. The only problem was Gwaine couldn’t wrap a gift worth a damn. He tried three times and wasted a lot of the paper before he ended up with something he deemed presentable.

He smiled at the purple wrapped gift; he knew Merlin would love the items inside. He didn’t care if the others found out and got mad that he broke the rules. Gwaine knew Arthur and Gwen would still be getting each other gifts even if they did not draw their names. He decided the best way to give Merlin his gifts were to do it in private. That way none of the others could say something and ruin the moment. 

 

Gwaine arrived at the Pendragon house and quickly made his way inside out of the cold. He read the note by the door that said to leave the gifts on the coffee table in the living room and then proceed to the dining room. Gwaine set his gift for Morgana on the table next to the others that were already there. He walked on to the dining room and found Merlin, Arthur, Gwen, Morgana and Lance already there. They said their greetings as Gwaine picked up a glass. 

Slowly the others arrived. Gwaine couldn’t help but notice how nicely dressed Percy was tonight. Suit vests looked good on him. Once everyone else arrived they made their way into the living room to start opening their gifts. Everyone anxiously eyed the wrapped presents as the entered the room, wondering who drew their name and what they would get. They took their seats around the room and waited as Arthur and Morgana began handing them out. 

The rules were that no one could open their gifts until after the gifts were passed out to everyone. Then after opening the gift they had to figure out who had their name. After everyone received their gift they tore into them like they were children. Morgana was the first to show off her gift. “I got a bottle of scotch. It shouldn’t be hard to figure out how gave me this,” she said as her eyes landed on Gwaine.

Gwaine gave her a wink, “And you’ll be willing to share it with your friends too, right?”

Morgana raised an eyebrow at him, “We shall see. Thank you, Gwaine.”

Gwen was the next person to show her gift. She only had a card to open but she gasped when she read what was written inside. 

"What does it say?" Morgana asked as she leaned over to try and read the card.

"A tree was planted in my name for me. Who would be so thoughtful?" Gwen looked around the room and her eyes landed on Merlin, whose grin gave it away. 

"I thought it would be something you would appreciate since you never ask for anything," Merlin said. 

"Thank you so much, Merlin. I love it."

Lance was next and it continued around the room. It was clear everyone knew each other well because everyone was pleased with their gift. Gwaine was impressed by how well wrapped his gift was. Whoever did this had some serious gift wrapping skills and wanted it to be perfect; he hated to rip it up since it looked so nice. After tearing into it, he was extremely pleased with the gift after he opened the box. Inside was an expensive looking flask with his name engraved on it. There was even a little bottle of Irish whiskey with it. This was a very thoughtful and expensive gift.

"This is perfect and just what I needed! Who gave me this though?" He glanced around the room trying to determine who gave him the gift. Percy raised his hand and smiled a little. "Wow, thank you, Percy. I love this!" Gwaine was quite impressed with his gift. He never would have considered Percy being so thoughtful.

Merlin was the last person to go after Gwaine. It wasn't too hard to determine who gave him his gift. It was wrapped very poorly in newspaper and that alone pretty much gave the giver away. Inside was a nice red scarf. "This has to be from Arthur," Merlin declared looking at the blond.

"You are correct. I figured you could use another scarf as your red one was looking a little ragged. It was embarrassing." 

Later on that evening, once everyone else seemed busy with drinks and conversation, Gwaine decided this would be the perfect time to get Merlin alone. He made his move when Merlin went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. 

“Hey Merlin, do you mind coming out with me to my car for a moment?”

“Sure, but what’s the reason? Can’t go outside by yourself?” Merlin asked as he filled his glass.

“Can you just join me please? It’ll be worth the trip.” Gwaine gave Merlin his best smirk and hoped he would say yes. 

Merlin drank some of his water and sat the glass down. “Since you asked so nicely, I’ll come with you. Let me tell Ar—” 

“Do you have to tell him everything you do? Come on, it won’t take long.”

“Alright then, at least let me grab my coat first.”

Gwaine tried to keep his emotions in check so Merlin wouldn’t notice his excitement and nervousness. They grabbed their coats and made their way out to the car. Gwaine wasn’t sure why he was so nervous. This was just Merlin. There shouldn’t be anything to be nervous about. After what seemed like an eternity, the pair finally made it to the car. Gwaine reached into the passenger seat and pulled out the gift. He held it out to Merlin and said, “I know this is against the rules, but I couldn’t help myself.”

Merlin took the present and quickly tore into it. Gwaine was happy to see Merlin so excited for it. He watched Merlin open the box and was anxious to see his reaction. 

“You remembered that I lost my copy of The Princess Bride!” Merlin exclaimed. 

“You sound so surprised by that,” Gwaine replied.

“Oh no, I didn’t mean anything bad about it. It’s that I only mentioned that I lost it one time months ago. I didn’t think you would remember it. Thank you so much, Gwaine.”

Gwaine smiled. “There’s something else in there too.” This second item was the one that made Gwaine the most nervous to see Merlin’s reaction. 

Merlin moved the DVD aside and pulled out a picture frame. Inside was a picture of them together. He was silent as he gazed at it. The picture was from a year ago at their first Quidditch match together. They had their arms around each other’s shoulders. Merlin had his big, goofy grin on his face, the one that Gwaine loved so much. This was Gwaine’s favorite picture of them and he wanted to share it with Merlin.

“I remember this day, but I forgot about this picture was taken. Where did you get this from?”

“Morgana was the one who took it, and I asked her for a copy of it. She was nice enough to give me one.” Gwaine stepped closer to Merlin so that he was looking at the picture as well. “It was a great day and a great picture of us. I thought you should have a copy of it too.”

“It is a good picture of us. I’m glad to have it.” Merlin looked up at Gwaine smiling, “I didn’t know you could be so thoughtful.”

“There are a few things you don’t know about me,” he replied with a sly smile.

Merlin cocked his head to the side like a confused dog, thinking over Gwaine’s words, “Is that so?”

“We all have our secrets. Maybe you’ll find some of them out soon.”

“I hope so,” Merlin eagerly replied. 

Out of nowhere, a few snowflakes began to fall on them. “Is it actually snowing? I didn’t think there would be any snow tonight.” Gwaine asked looking up at the sky.

“Maybe the Doctor defeated some aliens and this is their ash,” Merlin replied. 

Gwaine laughed hard at Merlin, “Why am I not surprised by your explanation?” 

Merlin began laughing along with Gwaine, “I couldn’t help myself.”

Gwaine found himself in another situation where he could share his feelings and tell Merlin he loved him. He hadn’t planned to tell Merlin this night but it wasn’t out of the question now. And if Gwaine wasn’t mistaken, Merlin’s eyes had glanced down to Gwaine’s lips more than once. Did Merlin want to kiss Gwaine? Should he take the chance? It seemed like the perfect moment with the snow falling around them. As Gwaine leaned in for the kiss, Arthur showed up. 

“What are you two doing out here?” Arthur called from the front door.

Merlin jump back away from Gwaine and turned toward Arthur. Gwaine merely straightened himself and glanced over at the blond. 

“Gwaine was just giving me a gift,” Merlin called back.

“And that couldn’t have been done inside?” Arthur asked as he walked toward them, looking directly at Gwaine. 

Gwaine didn’t like the way Arthur was looking at him and felt a little defensive. “I didn’t realize it was any of your business, princess.”

Arthur wasn’t expecting Gwaine to get so defensive and gave him a weird look. Instead of responding to his statement, he moved on. “I realized Merlin was gone for too long to just get water and —”

“Can’t Merlin do something without your knowledge or does he need your permission like some servant?” Gwaine interrupted. 

Both Arthur and Merlin looked at Gwaine. “Morgana wants to get a group photo of everyone so I was trying to find you two for it.”

“Let’s hurry inside then!” Merlin said as he began walking toward the house without them. 

Gwaine and Arthur didn’t pay much attention to Merlin and remained where they were staring at each other. 

“So you were just giving Merlin a gift?” Arthur asked. 

Gwaine crossed his arms against his chest, “Yes, I was just giving him a gift. What else would have been going on?”

“I just thought…never mind. I don’t want to start anything. Let’s get back inside before Morgana kills us.”

They quickly made their way inside. Gwaine wondered if Arthur was able to see that he was about to kiss Merlin from the door. He didn’t know what would have happened if Arthur came just a moment later and saw them kiss. Gwaine didn’t know what would have happened if they kissed. He tried to keep his feelings of frustration and disappointment hidden even though he wanted to punch Arthur for ruining his moment with Merlin. 

“It’s about time you two got in here!” Morgana said as Gwaine and Arthur entered the room. 

Everyone else was gathered together in front of the enormous, decorated Christmas tree waiting for them. Arthur took his place behind Gwen, placing his arm around her waist. Gwaine slipped in toward the back next to Percy. Morgana instructed some to move in closer together to fit everyone into the frame. When she was satisfied, she set the timer on the camera and jumped into the front of the group with her smile in place. 

After the picture was taken, someone called out, “Let’s do a funny one!”

The rest of the group agreed. “Alright then, everyone get ready while I reset the camera,” Morgana instructed. There was a lot of movement as people moved around and struck goofy poses. Percy picked Gwaine up in his arms and held him bridal style. Once the picture was taken everyone laughed about what they had done. 

“I’ll get copies of these photos to everyone once I get them printed,” Morgana said. 

Gwaine didn’t have the chance to talk with Merlin about what almost happened outside but he figured it was better to talk about it another night when they could be alone. He was glad to know Merlin liked the gifts and decided it would be better to enjoy the rest of the evening with their friends.

*****

Gwaine didn’t get the chance to see Merlin after the Christmas party since Merlin returned home to spend the rest of the break with his mother. But Gwaine was happy Merlin found the time to text and took that as a good sign. Even though the almost kiss wasn’t brought up in their texts, Gwaine was just happy that Merlin wasn’t ignoring him. He was excited to learn that Merlin would be able to make it back up to their planned New Year’s Eve party.

 

It was soon approaching the countdown to midnight. Gwaine looked around the crowded room and couldn’t find Merlin anywhere. “Have you seen Merlin?” he began asking around. 

“I think I saw him go outside a minute ago,” Lance replied. 

Gwaine replied with a “Thanks” as he made his way outside. Lance was right and Gwaine soon found Merlin leaning up against the wall with his arms crossed. 

“What are you doing out here all by yourself?” Gwaine asked as he stood next to Merlin. “You’re going to miss the celebration inside.”

“I didn’t want to be inside surrounded by all the kissing couples at midnight. Plus, I want to see the fireworks,” replied Merlin.

“I didn’t think PDA offended you.”

Merlin deadpanned to Gwaine, “You know who I’m referring to. So let’s not talk about it.”

“As you wish,” Gwaine said as he leaned against the wall. He checked the time on his phone, “It’s getting close to midnight and here we are, single with no one to kiss. What a shame.”

“Oh I’m sure you could have your pick of the ladies back inside the pub. You’re wasting your time out here with me. You still have a chance to find some lucky girl if you hurry back inside.”

“While you have a point, I’m not really interested in kissing some stranger tonight.”

“Oh really? Who are you going to kiss then?”

“Well, I was thinking that maybe since neither of us have anyone to kiss that we…could kiss.” Gwaine waited for Merlin’s response. 

“That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” Merlin said as he kept his gaze ahead of him.

They could hear the people inside counting down and once it hit midnight, they leaned into each other to kiss. This kiss was much better that their first kiss. It wasn’t as sloppy as last time but it didn’t last as long. Merlin was the first to pull away as they heard the fireworks shoot off. Gwaine figured he didn’t want someone to walk outside and see them. 

They remained close to each other as they turned to watch the firework show and didn’t say much outside the display.

“That was better than our first kiss,” Merlin said, glancing over at Gwaine.

“Yeah, it was,” he replied with a nod, but then Merlin’s words sank in. “Wait…what did you say?” Gwaine wasn’t sure if he had misheard Merlin.

Merlin crossed his arms and looked down at the ground, “I’ve got a confession to make, Gwaine. I lied to you the morning after we went out drinking. I remember kissing you and making out.”

Gwaine stared at Merlin stunned. He kept opening his mouth to say something but closed it without saying anything. “Why did you act like you couldn’t remember?” Gwaine asked when he found his voice. 

Merlin shrugged his shoulders and looked back up at Gwaine, “I don’t know. I guess I was a little embarrassed to say anything about it first. I wasn’t sure if you remembered so I didn’t want to bring it up unless I knew if you remembered. So I played dumb and asked you what happened, thinking you would say something. But when you didn’t, I figured you wanted to forget it or you didn’t remember either, so I kept it to myself.” 

“I didn’t mention it because you said you didn’t remember!”

Merlin laughed, “So we’ve both known this whole time. That’s hilarious.”

“It sure is,” he said as a smile spread across his face. Gwaine couldn’t believe that Merlin remembered the kiss the whole time. He was mentally kicking himself for not speaking up before. Before he could say anything else, Merlin spoke again. 

“Let’s just keep that night and tonight to ourselves. I don’t want anyone to know.”

“You mean you don’t want Arthur to know.” Gwaine should have seen that coming.

“Don’t say it like that, Gwaine.”

“It’s okay, Merlin, I won’t say anything. It’ll be our little secret.” Gwaine didn’t think he could take anymore rejection from Merlin. Maybe this wasn’t going to happen like he thought it would. 

“Thank you. We should probably get back inside. They might be missing us in there.” Merlin lead the way back inside. 

Once inside, Gwaine heard someone call his name. He looked to his left to see Percy making his way toward him. 

“There you are. I’ve been looking for you!” Percy said. 

“Looks like you’ve found me. What’s up?”

“Some of us are about to start a drinking game and wanted you to join us. Do you want to?”

Gwaine glanced over to where Merlin had ended up with Arthur and turned his attention back to Percy, “I’d love to.”

Percy pulled Gwaine over to where he, Leon, and Elyan were set up at. This would be a good distraction for Gwaine. He would rethink his relationship with Merlin and decide if it was a good idea to keep trying to move their relationship past friendship.

*****

After New Year’s Eve, Gwaine decided it was best to stop pursuing Merlin. It was obvious Merlin was not interested in Gwaine. While Gwaine didn’t think Merlin had picked up on his feelings, Gwaine didn’t want him to at this point. He just wanted to keep their friendship. Maybe this was how things were supposed to be between them.

As the last semester of university started, Gwaine got back into his routine of schoolwork and Quidditch practice. The team had a busy schedule of matches leading up to the UK Championship. It wasn’t easy to put his feelings aside but since Gwaine did it before, he could do it again.

***

The day finally arrived for the last Quidditch tournament of the season as well as for many members of the Camelot team. There were sixteen teams participating in the UK Championship tournament this year and Camelot was one of the top contenders to win. The location of the tournament was just a couple of hours away from the university so the team was glad they didn't have to travel too far.

After arriving at the tournament, they went through the process of checking in and preparing for the matches. They stretched and mentally prepared for the day. Just before the start of the first match, Arthur gave them one of his famous pep talks. When it was time, Camelot entered the first of two fields and the tournament began.

Camelot dominated their first two matches and they were over in no time. But the semi-final round was their hardest match. It wasn't that the opposing team was better than Camelot, because they weren’t, but they were more aggression. And since they were so aggressive, Morgause was injured in the game after an illegal play. She had to be carried off the field halfway through the match. This pushed the team even harder to win. Together, the team stepped up their game and won their spot into the final match. Unfortunately, Morgause would not be able to play in the last game with her injury. This, in turn, put Gwaine in the starter Beater position for the finals.

 

There was a short break before the final match to give the teams a chance to rest. Arthur went around to each position and went our last minute strategies to use. Arthur stopped at Merlin, Morgana, and Gwaine last.

“There’s something I want to go over with you three real quick before we start. To ensure we win today, I don’t want you to catch the snitch as soon as it appears back on the field, Merlin, unless you know we are in the lead. If we are not in the lead, the task falls to you two to make sure the other team’s seeker does not get catch the snitch first. I don’t care about what is going on with the other team’s chasers. I only want the beaters to focus on stopping the seeker at all costs. Well, as long as it’s legal.”

“You have nothing to worry about, Arthur. You just need to make sure you chasers get us in the lead,” Morgana said. 

“Oh I plan for us too. Now, let’s huddle with the whole team one last time.”

It wasn’t long before Gwaine, Merlin, Arthur, Morgana, Percy, Gwen, and Lance made their way onto pitch for the last time. They all looked across the field at the other team, Caerleon. The seven players moved into their crouched, starting positions as they waited for the referee to start the game. 

“The snitch is loose…Brooms up!”

With that call, both teams sprang into action. Percy jumped back to the goals, Merlin darted to the sidelines to wait and the other five charged toward the middle of the field to gain possession of balls. They had an excellent start with Arthur grabbing the Quaffle with Morgana and Gwaine both getting a Bludger. With some maneuvering, they made their way down the rest of the field without being stopped. Arthur made a quick pass to Gwen who scored the first goal. Per the rules, the five of them ran back to their Keeper Zone to wait for the Quaffle to be recovered. 

Caerleon’s Chasers rushed down the field, but Morgana had no difficulty taking out the one with the ball. Lance was able to recover the Quaffle and take off down the field again. But the opposing team was ready for them this time and the Keeper deflected his attempt to score. The match continued on much like this as the two teams battled for the Quaffle. Neither one of them had a major lead.

The score was tied. The deciding factor would come down to the Snitch that had just appeared on the field. The crowd turned their attention to the two seekers who were neck and neck behind the snitch runner. Morgana tried knocking the other team’s seeker out but she barely missed him. The task now fell to Gwaine. Caerleon’s beaters took notice of what Morgana and Gwaine were trying to do and copied them but were unsuccessful. Gwaine took aim and threw the Bludger. If he missed, there was a strong at chance that the other seeker could catch the snitch and they would lose the match. Gwaine held his breath as he watched the ball fly toward its target. His aim was true and the seeker was knocked out of play. As the seeker ran off to his goal hoops to tap back into the game, Merlin snatched the Snitch. 

Simultaneously, the crowd cheered and the referee blew her whistle. The match was over and the Camelot Dragons won. The rest of their team ran onto the field to celebrate. Gwaine was the first to make it over to Merlin. He picked him up off the ground and spun him around. Everyone else from the team gathered around them and cheered on Merlin for winning them the tournament. Once the cheering had ceased, the two teams lined up to shake hands. After that, the trophy ceremony took place. 

After the ceremony, Arthur walked over to the rest of the team with the traditional homemade trophy in his hand, “Now that it’s over, gather all of your belongings and equipment then head back to the vans. I’ve got something to take care of and will join you there shortly.”

No one questioned him as they followed his words. When the team made it back to the vans and loaded everything, Gwaine noticed Gwen was not with them and Arthur still hadn’t shown up. He turned to Merlin and asked, “Where’s Gwen? Did she stay back with Arthur?” Merlin’s response was a shrug but Gwaine got the feeling he knew more than what he was letting on.

Gwaine’s question was soon answered when Arthur and Gwen rejoined the team a minute later. “Is everything loaded and ready to go?” Arthur asked as he looked around. He saw that everything was packed and said, “Alright then, let’s all go to The Round Table and celebrate our victory and—” 

“Our engagement!” finished Gwen.

The team was silent for a moment as they processed what the two of them had just said. Gwen held out her hand to show off the new ring. The excitement began again as people began congratulating the couple. Morgana threw her arms around Gwen saying she was happy they would officially be sisters while the other girls gathered around to get a better look at the ring. The guys patted Arthur on the back and congratulated him, except for Gwaine and Merlin who remained behind. With all the excitement going on, both of them went unnoticed by the others for not joining in.

Gwaine was completely focused on Merlin in that moment. Granted, he was still trying to move past his feelings for Merlin, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t be concerned for his friend. He was surprised to see that Merlin was not reacting at all to the news. Or, as Gwaine thought, he was simply keeping everything locked away inside so their friends wouldn’t know. Merlin at last made eye contact with Gwaine after staring at Arthur and Gwen who were happily talking about the engagement. There was a lot of pain in his eyes. Gwaine was about to say something but was stopped when Arthur ordered everyone into the vans to leave. 

Gwaine knew there wouldn’t be a way to talk to Merlin on the way to the pub so he waited until after they arrived when he knew they wouldn’t be overheard. As the team piled into their usual tables, Gwaine slipped in next to Merlin. 

“Tell us how Arthur proposed, Gwen,” Elena asked, causing everyone to turn their full attention to the couple. 

Gwen explained how Arthur pulled her aside after the trophy ceremony and took her to the middle of the field once everyone had left. Gwaine didn’t care much for the details of the story and tuned it all out to focus more on Merlin. 

Merlin didn’t say much but he smiled along with the others. Gwaine knew it was for show. Once the excitement over the proposal died down the conversation turned back to Quidditch. The new members chatted away about the tournament win while the older members reminisced about their time on the team. It was a great note to leave on.

After a few hours of celebrating, night set in and some people began to leave. Gwen checked the time on her phone. “Wow, it’s getting late. We better get going and start calling our families,” she said. 

“You’re right. See you all later,” Arthur said as he followed her out. 

After they had left, Gwaine looked at Merlin, “Want to go back to my place?” he whispered. 

“I thought you’d never ask.”

Once Merlin was alone with Gwaine his true emotions showed. His smile was gone and he looked completely heartbroken. Nothing was said between them on the way to Gwaine’s flat.

“Did you know Arthur was going to propose to Gwen today?” Gwaine asked after they exited the cab.

“Yes…he’s been telling me about as he’s planned it.”

“Well, I applaud you being able to stay focused on the championship today. That must have been tough,” Gwaine said as they walked up to his flat.

“You have no idea,” Merlin answered as Gwaine unlocked the door. “I’ve been trying to forget about the proposal and pretend like it wasn’t going to happen. I hope I didn’t seem uncaring today when Gwen announced it, but I just couldn’t bring myself to fake enthusiasm for them.” Merlin dropped onto the couch and was joined by Gwaine. 

“I don’t think anyone noticed you. They were all too busy focusing on the happy couple and winning the championship.”

Merlin leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. “I should have prepared myself for this,” he said. 

Gwaine sighed. “Don’t be so hard on yourself about this, Merlin,” he said as he rubbed his hand over Merlin’s back. “I know that it’s hard seeing the person you love in love with someone else. Nothing can prepare you for disappoint and all the other messy emotions that come with a situation like this. Trust me.” Gwaine became aware of his hand on Merlin and quickly removed it.

Merlin raised his head enough to look over at Gwaine, “Since when did you become so knowledgeable on the matter? You’ve never been in love before.”

Gwaine tried to hold back his laughter, “So you don’t think I’ve never been in love before because you haven’t seen me in a ‘proper’ relationship?”

“You’ve never mentioned anything before about being in love, so I just assumed you hadn’t. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s something that I keep to myself. But we’re not talking about me right now. I know you’re hurt by what’s happened today, but I think this would be a good way for you to start moving on from him.”

“You mentioned this before,” Merlin said as he leaned back against the couch.

“I know I have and I still think it would be good for you. I’m sure you’ll always still harbor feelings for Arthur in some way. I don’t expect you to be able to get rid of your feelings for him completely but you should make room for someone else. You’re a wonderful and amazing guy. Some guy would be lucky and very happy if they had the chance to be with you.”

Merlin laughed a little at his last statement. “I don’t think I’m that special.”

“I think you’re pretty special. I also think you deserve a guy who will love you and make you his priority. There may even be someone who loves you now without you even noticing.”

Merlin stared at him, and Gwaine could tell he was unsure. “Where is this all coming from?” he asked. 

Gwaine wasn’t sure what to say at this point. “I’m just trying to help, as any good friend would do.”

Merlin smiled, “I appreciate your help. I can’t even begin to understand how or why you put up with all my whining about Arthur. You’re too good to me.”

“Well, you mean a lot to me, Merlin. You’re the closest friend I’ve ever had. Your happiness is important to me.”

“I didn’t realize you cared so much.”

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I care?”

Merlin shrugged, “I didn’t say it was a bad thing that you cared.” 

“Good to know,” Gwaine said with a smile. 

Nothing else was said between them as they just stared at one another and the tension grew, both unsure how to take things a step further. Merlin was the one to break eye contact as he looked away. He focused on a framed picture across the room; the same one Gwaine had given him for Christmas, and looked like he was in deep thought. Gwaine was surprised a couple of minutes later when Merlin rose from the couch. “I think I might go for a walk or something to give myself sometime to think about everything.”

“Are you sure? We just got here. I don’t think it’s even been twenty minutes,” Gwaine said as he stood too.

Merlin looked at Gwaine, a little embarrassed, “I meant I would go for a walk alone.”

“Oh, okay then," he said as he looked away.

“I didn’t mean to offend you. There are just some things I need to think about.”

Gwaine didn’t want Merlin to leave but he wasn’t going to stop him if that’s what he really wanted to do. If he needed space he needed his space. Despite his decision to not tell Merlin he loved him anymore, Gwaine felt like he needed to say something now as this was his last chance to do so. He was worried if he didn’t say anything before Merlin walked out the door he would never get the chance again. So, he said it in the only way he knew how, “As you wish, Merlin.”

Merlin had already begun walking to the door when Gwaine said those four words. His head snapped back to look at him. He didn’t say anything, and Gwaine wondered is he understood the double meaning of his words. Merlin didn’t say anything and continued on to the door. He grabbed the door knob and glanced back to Gwaine, “I’ll talk to you later.” 

And with that, Gwaine was alone in his flat. He let out the breath he was holding. He finally professed his love for Merlin out loud to him and was rejected. This was definitely not how he wanted it to go and the reason for deciding after New Year’s Eve not to tell him. All kinds of thoughts raced through his mind like “What if I’ve ruined everything?” and “What if he never wants to speak to me again and we’re no longer friends?” Before he could wallow in self-pity for too long, there was a knock at the door. Gwaine jumped over the back of the couch and threw open the door. And just as he hoped, Merlin was standing there.

“Do you mean it?” Merlin asked.

“Yes, I do,” Gwaine replied as his heart raced. 

“Good.” Merlin closed the gap between them and kissed Gwaine on the lips. 

Gwaine was so stunned by the kiss that he was frozen in place and didn’t kiss back. Merlin pulled away, “Isn’t this what you want?”

Merlin’s question brought Gwaine back to reality. “Yes, of course. I wasn’t expecting a kiss with how you just left after I proclaimed my love to you. You surprised me.”

“That’s a relief. I thought I had misunderstood your words, which were a big shock to me too. I had no idea you felt that way about me.”

Gwaine laughed, “I guess my actions have been a little too subtle for you to pick up on.”

“Yeah, they were. I started piecing some of it together just now, and that’s why I wanted to be alone. But I realized after walking out the door that if I left, I might miss my chance.”

“Oh, and what chance might that be?” Gwaine didn’t know how else to handle what was happening with Merlin besides to joke. It didn’t seem real to him. 

“The chance to be your boyfriend,” Merlin replied.

“You haven’t even given me the chance to ask yet and you immediately jump to that?”

“I just assumed it was implied since it’s usually what comes after you profess your love to someone.”

“Well, I admit I thought this would be under different circumstances, but here it goes. Merlin, would you like to be my boyfriend?”

“Yes.”

“Let’s try that kiss again.” Gwaine leaned in and captured Merlin’s lips. When they parted, Gwaine asked, “Would you like to come back inside?”

“I would like that. Want to watch a movie?”

“Sounds good to me.”

As they cuddled on the couch, Gwaine tried not to ignore the voice in the back of his mind that told him this relationship wouldn’t work and that Merlin was only interested because of Arthur’s proposal. Everything was going to be okay. This is exactly what Gwaine wanted. He told himself there was nothing to worry about.

It was interesting when they broke the news of their new relationship to their friends the next day. They were met with everyone being surprised but accepting of it. Gwen joked with Merlin saying that he was trying to steal her thunder by getting in a relationship right after her engagement. There were only two people who didn’t seem to react as positively like everyone else, Arthur and Percy. Merlin wanted to tell Arthur privately, so Gwaine hung out with Percy and told him.

“What did Arthur say when you told him?” Gwaine asked Merlin when he came over to his flat afterwards.

“He actually didn’t say too much which was a bit unusual. He was surprised that you are the one I’m dating. He thought I could do better.”

Gwaine laughed, “I’m not surprised by that, but I’m not bothered by it. So he’s okay with us?”

“Yeah, I think so. How did Percy take it when you told him?”

“I’m not sure. He didn’t say too much either, which really wasn’t a surprise. But…” Gwaine wasn’t sure how to describe Percy’s reaction.

“But what? Was he mad about it?”

“No, not mad. He seemed disappointed or something. He didn’t say anything against it, so I guess he’s fine with us.”

Merlin thought for a moment. “Well, it’s not that we were seeking approval from our friends by telling them so if they don’t like our relationship, then that’s not our problem. But for the most part everyone seems happy for us and that’s great.”

Gwaine nodded in agreement. While he was glad all their friends were okay with them dating, he couldn’t figure out why Percy would be disappointed. It didn’t make any sense. But Gwaine shrugged it off as him and Merlin settled on the couch for a mini Doctor Who marathon.

*****

The last month of university passed by quicker than anyone anticipated. Graduation soon came and went. Gwaine and the others had looked forward to this moment but knew this would bring about some changes in their lives. But the biggest, and most unexpected change, came three months after graduation.

Gwaine and Merlin were in Gwaine’s flat having a Lord of the Rings Extended Edition marathon when it started. They were both sitting on the couch as Merlin was lying stretched out with his head in Gwaine’s lap. During the first half of The Two Towers, they each received a text from Arthur. The text asked if they could meet up at his flat later that night for an important announcement he had for everyone.

“Do you know what this is about?” Gwaine asked Merlin once they read the text. 

“I have no clue which worries me,” Merlin replied. 

As requested, everyone who received the text from Arthur showed up at his flat later that night. No one else had a clue either as to what was going on. Everyone was talking among themselves as they waited. Gwen was acting odd and Arthur wasn’t around. Once everyone arrived, Gwen left the room and returned shortly with Arthur, turning everyone’s attention to the couple. 

“I’m glad you were all able to make it tonight on such short notice. This is something we, well I, wanted to share with all of you together at once to make it a little easier,” said Arthur, his voice shaking a little.  
Some exchanged glances with one another, unsure of what was going on. This wasn’t the Arthur they were familiar with from his words to his nervousness. Arthur leaned his head in his hand to give himself a moment to collect himself before continuing. “I don’t think I can do this,” he whispered to Gwen. 

Gwen leaned in and whispered something back to Arthur. Her words brought some encouragement to Arthur for he straightened up and took a deep breath. “This is something that will come as a shock to all of you, and I hope you will bear with me. This is not easy for me to share... I didn’t think this would be so hard to say. I guess first I will start off with that Guinevere and I are no longer engaged, and the wedding is off.”

This statement brought about a lot of commotion in the small room. “What do you mean the engagement is over?” Elyan asked over everyone else.

Everyone quieted down as they looked between Elyan and Arthur, waiting to hear the reason. Arthur looked at Elyan with a pained expression but didn’t reply right away. As a surprise to many, Gwen reached for his hand and held it, giving him an encouraging squeeze. His gaze shifted around the room, looking at each of his friends. “The reason the engagement is off is because…I’m gay.” 

The room was silent as everyone took in his last two words. Gwaine stared at Arthur in disbelief. He couldn’t believe he didn’t realize it himself. 

Elyan was the first again to speak. “If you’re gay, then why did you propose to my sister in the first place?” His frustration was clear.

“It’s difficult to explain, Elyan. This is something that I truly didn’t realize until recently. But I want you, and everyone else, to know I had no intention of hurting Guinevere with this. I never wanted that.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Couldn’t this have been something that you realized before you proposed? How could you do this to her?” Elyan’s frustration was quickly turning to anger.

“Elyan, I said this was difficult to explain.”

“I’m sorry, Arthur. I’m not against you being gay, but I’m just upset for my sister.” Elyan rose from his chair, “I’m going to leave now before I say anything that I will regret later.”

“Elyan wait!” Gwen said as she followed her brother out the door.

Arthur looked back at the others, “If anyone else wants to leave now, you can. I understand if you choose to.” No one moved and waited for him to continue. “Well, since no one else has left, I would love for you guys to say something. You don’t have to be so quiet.”

Morgana was the first to speak up, “Well brother, you have my support.” She walked over to him and gave him a hug. After she spoke, the others began to speak up.

“I admit this is quite a surprise for us, Arthur, but you should already know we accept you for it,” Lance said.

Others nodded and voiced similar opinions. There was a great sense of relief that seemed to wash over Arthur.

Gwen’s reentrance into the flat caught everyone’s attention. “Elyan left but said he’ll talk to you later, Arthur, when he’s calmed down.”

Arthur nodded his head in acknowledgement. The two of them settled down in a couple of chairs. 

“I thank you all for your acceptance of this,” Arthur said. “It means a lot to me. I was worried about how you would react. I feel stupid for worrying so much.”

“Have you told father?” Morgana asked.

Arthur sighed, “No, I haven’t said a word to him yet about it or the engagement being off. I’m still trying to find the courage to do that. It won’t be easy, that’s for sure.”

“That’s an understatement,” Morgana said.

“I still have to tell my dad as well,” Gwen said. “I know he’ll be upset there won’t be a wedding now.”

“I don’t mean to be rude or put you on the spot, Gwen,” Morgana began, “But how did you take the news of Arthur’s coming out?”

“I admit I was little upset but not because he’s gay. I love him, so I’m sad for our relationship to be over. But I know we’ll still be friends and that’s good enough,” Gwen replied.

Everyone stayed at the flat for a few hours that night just talking and carrying on. None of them realized this would be the spark that would soon lead to other changes.

 

Gwaine and Merlin were silent on the way back to Gwaine’s flat. Gwaine was trying to ignore the voice in the back of his mind that had recently returned saying that Merlin was now going to leave him for Arthur. He tried to convince himself that it was irrational and that it wouldn’t happen. 

Merlin broke the silence first. “I can’t believe I didn’t see this coming.”

“I’m pretty surprised too. But it doesn’t matter now, Merlin.”

“I know. But it’s just after the whole time I moped around over the fact Arthur was straight, he turns out to be gay. And he’s my best friend. How did I not notice?”

Gwaine didn’t reply as he unlocked the door. He felt uneasy. He didn’t care if Arthur was gay. What he did care about was how Merlin felt about this new revelation. “Well, you didn’t notice that I was in love with you either so that shows that you aren’t good at noticing things, Merlin,” Gwaine said as a way to lighten the mood. 

“Yeah I know but still. I wonder why he didn’t talk to me about this sooner. I think that’s what’s upsetting me the most about his coming out. I would have been the perfect person he could talk to about it.”

“I can understand why that would upset you, but maybe he had a reason for not telling you sooner. But enough talking for tonight, let’s get some sleep.” Gwaine put his arm around Merlin’s hips and pulled him toward his bedroom. 

Merlin let Gwaine lead him into the bedroom where they proceeded to change into pajamas and climbed into bed. Merlin snuggled up to Gwaine who put his arm around him under the covers. Merlin was the first to fall asleep, leaving Gwaine alone with his thoughts.

***

It was almost noon when Gwaine awoke the next day he and realized he was alone in his bed. There was a note on his bedside table from Merlin. The note was vague in its details and only said he had to leave early for something and that he would text Gwaine later when he would be finished. Gwaine was bummed by this since it meant they would miss out on their time together that day. It was the reason Merlin spent the night with him. Merlin was still living with his mum for the moment for the time being, so it wasn’t easy for them to see each other as often as they wanted because of the distance.

Merlin didn’t return until later that evening. Gwaine instantly knew something was wrong when he walked in.

“Where have you been all day? Is something wrong?” he asked. 

“I met with Arthur today. We need to talk.”

The blood drained from Gwaine’s face, he didn’t like hearing those four words. Gwaine remained silent as Merlin walked over to the couch and sat down. Gwaine noticed he didn’t sit as close to him as usual, this was another bad sign.

“So that’s why you left earlier, before I was awake,” he finally spoke.

“Yes. Arthur texted me this morning saying he needed to talk to me. So I went over to his flat and we talked for quite a while about his coming out last night. Before I get into more detail about what we discussed, I want to preface it with that I am conflicted about all of it.” Merlin paused for moment before continuing. “Arthur admitted that he has feelings for me and has for almost as long as we’ve been friends. It wasn’t until he started coming to terms with his sexuality last year that he better understood his feelings for me and realized it was more than friendship.”

Gwaine still remained silent as he listened to Merlin and avoided looking directly at him.

“He said his intention of telling me this was not to steal me away from you, but that he didn’t think he could keep it to himself anymore. He was tired of having to keep secrets from me and wanted me to know.” Merlin looked at Gwaine and waited for him to respond. 

“What do you think about it?” Gwaine asked breaking silence. He slowly turned his gaze to Merlin and looked him in the eyes. 

Merlin hesitated before answering, “I don’t know.”

“Merlin, don’t your hide your feelings from me now. Just be honest, please.”

“It doesn’t matter what his feelings are for me. I’m with you, Gwaine,” replied Merlin. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

Gwaine studied Merlin’s face as he thought. “I appreciate your words, but I know firsthand what your feelings are for Arthur. You don’t have to keep them from me know.”

Merlin shifted in his seat, “Like I said before, I’m extremely conflicted about how I feel now. I like being with you. We have such a wonderful time together. But…” Merlin trailed off as he looked away from Gwaine.

“But I’m not Arthur?” Gwaine completed.

Merlin nodded his head.

“You still want to be with him, don’t you?”

“I feel terrible for saying this but yes, I do. I love Arthur.”

Although Gwaine was anticipating this, it still felt like a knife piercing his heart. They both sat there in silence, not looking at each other as they reflected on what was said.

“Why do you feel terrible?”

Merlin turned back to Gwaine confused. “I feel terrible because I’m in a relationship with you and like you, but I love Arthur and want to be with him. It’s neither right nor fair to you.”

Gwaine reached his hand out and held Merlin’s hand. “I’ve known this whole time we’ve been together that you still loved Arthur. I was selfish and tried to fool myself into thinking that this would work between us because I wanted so badly for it to. But Arthur is the one you truly want, and now you have your chance to be with him. I won’t want to stand in the way of your happiness.”

“What are you saying, Gwaine?”

“You know what I’m saying. I love you and could see myself spending the rest of my life with you, but I care more about your happiness. I know you would be happier with Arthur than me. I don’t want you stay with me out of obligation. That’s not fair for you either.” Gwaine gave Merlin the best smile he could muster. 

“I…I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just give me one last kiss, if that’s okay with you.”

“Of course it’s okay.” Merlin said as he leaned in for their last kiss. It was bittersweet moment for both of them. As they pulled apart, Merlin wrapped his arms around Gwaine, pulling him in tight. 

"I want you to know that I did want to be with you. I didn't do it just because I couldn't be with Arthur. You are a wonderful person Gwaine and as you’ve told me before, I know you'll find someone who will love you the way you deserved to be loved."

"Thank you, Merlin."

"Everything is still good between us, right? I don't want to lose you as a friend because of this."

"Don't worry, Merlin, you'll never lose me as a friend," Gwaine said as he slowly pulled away from him. He placed his hands on each of Merlin’s shoulders and looked him in the eyes, "Now, go to Arthur. Get your Wesley."

Merlin gave Gwaine a smile before standing up. "I’ll go and do that. Thank you, Gwaine. I'll see you later."

"Take care."

Merlin stood up and left the flat. Gwaine remained seated and leaned back against the couch. He didn't quite know how to feel in that moment. The one thing he did know was that he did the right thing despite how much it hurt.

 

Merlin and Arthur soon were an official couple. Everyone, even Gwaine, could see how perfect they were for each other. Gwaine wasn't going to admit it to anyone but he was heartbroken over Merlin despite being the one who ended their relationship. He decided the best thing for him to do was to take a long trip abroad to put some distance between them. He figured not having to see Merlin and be around him would help. He had to tell himself this wasn’t him running away from his problems. He did want to travel through Europe anyway. Gwaine broke the news to his friends a few weeks later.

"You're backpacking through Europe?" Merlin asked. 

"Yes. It's something I've wanted to do for a while, and I think now is the best time between graduating and finding a job."

"And you're going by yourself?" asked Arthur.

"I think it will be a fun adventure on my own." He didn’t think there was anything wrong with him going alone. 

"How long will you be gone?" Percy asked.

Gwaine shrugged, "I haven't decided that yet. I think I'll stay as long as I feel like it, or until I get into trouble."

Percy didn't look pleased with that answer. Neither did Merlin.

"Don't worry guys, I will return...eventually," Gwaine said to try and make it sound better.

"This sounds like a fun adventure," Leon said with a smile. 

"That’s the response I was going for. I'm glad someone thinks this is a fun idea. Thanks, Leon."

“No problem, Gwaine.”

"It's not that we all don't think it's a fun idea, it's just that you could, no would, get into trouble being on your own," Merlin said.

"I'll be fine. I can take care of myself," Gwaine defended.

"When do you plan to leave?" Merlin asked.

"I plan to leave as soon as I get everything ready. It shouldn’t be too much longer.”

 

It took Gwaine a little over a week to finish preparing everything for his trip. A farewell party was held for him at The Round Table the night before he left. He was careful not to drink too much that night. A hangover wouldn’t be too pleasant the next day. 

“So what’s the real reason why you’re leaving on this little trip?” Merlin asked Gwaine later that evening when they got a chance alone together. “I know there’s something more to it than being an adventure.”

“Why do you assume there’s something else?” Gwaine asked before sipping on his pint.

“I just have a feeling.”

“Well, look at you being all perceptive now.” He received a shove for his comment. “I need some time to be alone with myself and I think now is the time to do this.” 

“Is it because of us breaking up?” Merlin asked looking directly at Gwaine. 

Gwaine dropped his gaze and shifted in his seat. “I promise I will come back, Merlin. I just don’t know when.”

“Not the answer I was wanting but that’s okay. As long as you come back I can’t complain too much. Just keep us all updated on your travels and stay safe. I don’t want to hear that you were thrown in jail in Germany after getting into a bar fight.”

Gwaine laughed, “So getting thrown in jail in any other country is fine as long as it isn’t Germany?”

Merlin gave Gwaine another shove, “You know what I mean.” He tried to hide his smile by looking away but Gwaine still saw it.

Gwaine threw his arm around Merlin’s shoulders and pulled him close. “You have nothing to worry about. Trust me. I promise I will behave.” 

When the party was over that night, goodbye hugs were exchanged with everyone. Gwaine was surprised when Percy pick him up off the ground in his arms for a tight embrace. On the way home, Gwaine felt sad to leave his friends the next day, but he knew it needed to be done.

*****

After backpacking all across Europe for the past eight months, Gwaine finally made his return home. While he was enjoying wandering from town to town and country to country, he knew it was time to make his way back to England. Plus, there was the invitation he received from Merlin and Arthur. Despite his old feelings for Merlin he was not going to miss their engagement party.  
Although he kept in contact with his friends on his trip, including Merlin, the physical time away from Merlin helped Gwaine get over his love for him. He felt he was ready to start his life and get his career started. He may even start dating again.

 

Gwaine didn’t return until the day before the party. The next day, he found himself at the Pendragon house and late. He didn't mean to be late, it just happened. And not only was he late, but everyone else was already there. He entered the house and made his way to the living room where all the noise was coming from. As soon as he entered, he stopped in the doorway and looked around at all of his friends. He was happy to see them all in person again. It wasn't until someone shouted, "Gwaine's here!" that everyone realized he was there.

All heads turned toward him and everyone was soon around him. Greetings and hugs were exchanged. The last person to greet Gwaine was Merlin. They both stared at each other for moment before anything happened. Their friends pretended to get back to their previous actions but were really watching them.

"I'm glad you made it back in time for this," Merlin finally said with a big smile.

"I am too. You should have known I wouldn't miss this,” Gwaine replied.

Merlin threw his arms around Gwaine for a tight hug and Gwaine returned it. When Merlin pulled away he jokingly said, "Now that you've stolen the show with your return, let's put the focus back on me." Merlin returned back to Arthur as Gwaine found a spot to sit on the couch. 

There was so much excitement throughout the room between the engagement and Gwaine's return. Gwaine looked around at his friends and was happy to be with them again. They were catching Gwaine up on everything that he had missed over the past eight months. One of the big events was Gwen and Lance had been dating for a couple of months. Some of the others were in relationships as well. It made Gwaine wish he could find someone too. 

As Gwaine sat on the couch, he looked over at Merlin and Arthur. Arthur had his arm around Merlin’s waist as Merlin leaned into them. Just as he had hoped, his old feelings for Merlin had moved on. There was still a small part of him that would always feel something for him, but as cliché as it was, he was happy to see Merlin happy with Arthur. The two were perfect for each other as if they were destined for one another. Gwaine had been blinded by his own feelings for Merlin to see it before.

 

Later on that night after the excitement had died down, Gwaine walked into the kitchen to grab a snack and almost ran into Percy when he entered.

“Oh sorry, Percy, I didn’t know you were in here,” Gwaine said.

“It’s all good, Gwaine. I was trying to find something to eat. I don’t care for any of the fancy stuff Arthur picked out.”

“That’s why I came in here! None of that looked appetizing. Have you found anything edible in here?” Gwaine asked as he opened a cabinet.

“I found some crisps,” Percy said as he held the open bag out to Gwaine. 

“Thanks.” Gwaine reached his hand in and pulled some out.

They both leaned against a counter and continued eating the crisps in silence. 

"It's great to have you back," Percy eventually said.

"While I enjoyed my little adventure, it's surprisingly nice to be back. I missed all of you guys."

"I'm surprised you didn't meet someone and fall in love, never to return to us."

Gwaine laughed, "I admit, I always kept that possibility open, but I never found anyone."

"Out of all the women and men of Europe, you didn't like a single one of them? Now that's a surprise."

Gwaine shrugged his shoulders. "I didn't say I didn’t find anyone I like during the trip; I just didn't find anyone I thought was special enough to start anything with."

Percy was quiet for a moment. "So does that mean you're available?" he asked as he set the bag down on the counter.

"It does." Gwaine wasn't expecting this kind of questioning today about his travels, but he was interested to see where it was going.

Percy nodded and took a deep breath before saying, "I'm just going to come out and say it. I like you Gwaine. I wish I had said something sooner, especially since you've been gone for nearly a year....anyway. What I'm trying to get at is will you go out on a date with me?"

Gwaine was surprised and didn't say anything for a moment as he thought about what Percy just said. Percy was not someone he thought of as being gay. This was much a surprise as it was to learn Arthur was gay. It was a good kind of surprise though.

But Percy took his silence as a rejection. "Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything. Let's just pretend like this didn't happen." He started walking toward the door to leave the kitchen when Gwaine grabbed him by the arm to stop him. 

"Why are you leaving? You haven't even given me a chance to answer."

Percy turned back to Gwaine looking hopeful. 

"I would love to go on a date with you."

A huge grin spread across Percy's face.

"Why didn't you say anything sooner?" Gwaine asked. 

"Because I knew you were in love with Merlin before you two dated," he replied. "I didn't think I would have had a chance if I said anything then so I kept it to myself."

"You knew? How? I didn't think anyone knew."

"I don't think anyone else picked up on it. I was just observant and figured it out."

Gwaine was shocked. He really thought no one knew. "Life is just full of surprises."

“You always have to watch out for us quiet types. We’re full of all kinds of surprises,” Percy replied with a grin. 

“I like the sound of that,” Gwaine said as he closed the space in between them. 

Gwaine was met with another surprise from Percy when he leaned down and kissed him. He wasn’t expecting Percy to be this bold but he quite liked it. Gwaine wrapped his arms around Percy’s neck and turned his head to deepen the kiss.

Gwaine had a fair amount of kisses in his life so far, there’s no denying that. He could think of five kisses that were the best and the most passionate, not that he was keeping track of things like that. This one left them all behind.


End file.
